Once Upon a Monsean Courtyard
by EmberLafonte
Summary: For the Rampion's inhabitants, getting swept away to a strange land isn't the hard part. It's getting back that will prove to be difficult.
1. Eaten By a Purple Thing

**A/N: This idea was suggested by my sister, and since I LOVE the Lunar Chronicles and the Seven Kingdoms Trilogy, I had to write this. Also, I put Scarlet on the Rampion, because I can :P.**

 **Disclaimer: If I owned TLC or 7KT I would be rolling in the dough. My life savings amounts to about 600 dollars.**

Despite the fact that there was an evil queen who wanted to kill her and ultimately take over Earth, Cinder was relatively bored. Everyone aboard the Rampion was bored, really. Cinder didn't even have much piloting to do, since they were in orbit.

"I almost wish we would get attacked," Thorne complained. The entire crew was lounging in the cockpit.

"Captain!" Cress exclaimed.

"I said _almost_ ," Thorne pointed out. "And it doesn't even have to be a big attack."

"As much as I hate to say this, I agree with Thorne," Scarlet said. "I really want to shoot something right now."

Thorne and Kai scooted a few inches away from her (Cress was too polite for such actions).

Scarlet threw her hands up. "Oh, come on. If I was going to shoot you, I would have already."

"I don't doubt that," Wolf muttered. Even he wasn't brimming with his usual nervous energy.

Iko piped up. "I, for one, am not fond of the idea of crazed Lunars disturbing this peaceful environment."

"Peaceful? More like _boring._ "

"Thorne, stop complaining," Cinder reprimanded.

"Yes, _Your Highness_."

"Shut up."

Thorne smirked. Cinder smacked him with her metal hand.

"Ow! Kai, control your girlfriend!" Thorne yelped.

"Just because she's my girlfriend doesn't mean I can control her," Kai replied.

"So you admit that she's your girlfriend!"

"I—what? I never said-"

Kai was interrupted by an earsplitting squeal from Iko. "OH MY STARS! I called it!"

Kai heaved a sigh.

"I'll admit, I'd love to date you myself, but I'll back off since Cinder's my friend," Iko continued.

Thorne grinned. "Iko, is he blushing?"

"Like a beet."

"That didn't make sense, but okay."

"Thorne, Iko, stop torturing the emperor," Cinder cut in, who in that moment was grateful for her inability to blush.

"Okay, future empress of the Eastern Commonwealth."

"Shut _up!_ "

After that, everyone was relatively silent. Except for Iko, who's dictionary did not include the word 'silent'.

As Cinder stared out the window at the countless stars, she saw something in the distance. It resembled a swirling purple cloud that resembled an intergalactic hurricane. Cinder wondered if it was significant enough to point out.

Then the Rampion was pulled out of orbit and started to head toward the strange disturbance, and she stopped wondering."THORNE!"

"Spades, what did I do this ti-"

"WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!"

"What is _what_? I can't see, remember?"

"I don't know, or I wouldn't be asking!"

By now, everyone else was looking out the window at the object in question.

"It's a swirly purple thing, and I think its pulling us in," Cress described.

" _Thank you_ , Cress," Thorne said with a pointed look in Cinder's general direction. "I have no idea what that is."

"Well, how do I steer around it?"

"Shouldn't we be in orbit?"

"Yeah, that doesn't seem to be working right now!"

"Calm down, Cinder. It might be nothing," Kai reasoned.

"Famous last words," Scarlet commented bluntly.

"Not helping."

"Thorne!" Cinder shouted.

"Right. Um. Try turning that red switch on."

"It's on!"

"Well, frankly, I have no idea what to do either! I'm a captain, not a pilot!" Thorne snapped.

"This is so much better than a net drama," Iko murmured, at the same time Cress said, "This would be so much easier in a net drama."

The vortex continued to pull them in at increasing velocity.

"Yeah, maybe it's not nothing," Kai admitted.

"You think?" Cinder retorted.

"We might die," Wolf stated simply, as Cress screamed and warnings flashed across Cinder's vision and the Rampion disappeared completely into the cloud that was not a cloud because there were no clouds in outer space.

Then everything went black.

* * *

One of the many downsides to being an android is that when you and your friends get eaten by an evil swirly thing, you remain awake the entire time.

Iko lay sprawled out on the floor of the Rampion. She would have been sore if she had nerves. The ship had been tossed around quite a bit, and so had the inhabitants.

And then it had stopped.

She hopped up and looked out the window. They were in a large clearing surrounded by mossy stone walls. The floor was a giant mosaic of what looked like the inside of a fishbowl. In the middle of the clearing was an intricately carved fountain.

She did a quick search and concluded that this was some kind of First Era courtyard.

Her audio interface picked up a rustling noise behind her. She turned around and saw Cress looking around.

"Cress!" Iko exclaimed.

Cress jumped. "Oh. Hello, Iko. What happened? Where are we?"

"I think we got sucked into a portal of some sort. We're in a courtyard! Isn't it great?"

"I don't know. Is it?"

"Yes. It is. Because courtyards mean palaces!" Iko squealed.

Cress looked worried. "Who's palace is it?"

Iko sighed. "Right, that is a problem, isn't it? I hope whoever lives here isn't one of those Levana-type rulers."

Thorne, Cinder, and Scarlet woke up next. Cinder sprang up. "Oh no. Where are we?!"

"Stars, why does everyone ask that?" Iko said.

"Thorne, this is all your fault!" Cinder exclaimed.

"Me? Why?"

"Because you said you wanted us to get attacked!"

"This isn't an attack! And Scarlet agreed," Thorne pointed out.

"Way to throw me under the maglev, Thorne!"

Kai groaned and say up. "Who's throwing who under a maglev?"

"About time, Your Majesticness."

"Cadet."

"Ah. I guess I deserved that."

Wolf stirred. "What's going on?"

"Kai just told everyone that he wears pink boxers and Cinder said it was hot," Thorne deadpanned.

Cinder sighed. "Don't listen to him. We landed in a courtyard or something, and-"

The cyborg was interrupted by a pounding on the hatch.

Iko looked outside again. They were surrounded by guards. "I'm guessing that's not a welcoming committee?"

"Cinder?" Kai asked. "What do you want to do?"

Cinder took a deep breath. "Um. We'll just explain to them that this is a mistake and we'll be on our way as soon as possible."

"And if they don't buy it?" Scarlet asked.

"Guns are in the crate in the far corner," she remarked. "Access. Open hatch."

The creaking and grinding of metal followed shortly, and seven guards flooded onto the ship. Iko found it strange that they carried swords. It was always exciting to find something strange.

Cinder flashed a smile. "Hi, sorry, we didn't mean to disturb you. We'll be—"

The guards dragged them out of the Rampion and dumped them unceremoniously at the feet of another guard. Cress ducked behind Thorne's back.

"I told you this was a bad idea," Thorne hissed.

"You did not!" Cinder shot back.

"Silence!" the guard barked. "Who are you, and what business do you have with our queen?"

Before Cinder could say something placating, Thorne spoke up. "Are we supposed to stay silent or answer the questions?"

The guard scowled. "Don't be smart with me, boy."

Cinder cut in before Thorne could get himself into further trouble. "Look, this is a mistake. We came here by accident, and we want nothing from your queen."

"A likely story."

"Cinder. Use your glamour," Wolf said.

"I am not using my glamour," Cinder insisted stubbornly,

The courtyard doors were thrown open, and a woman strode into the courtyard. She wore a fabulous blue floor length-dress. "Enough. No one is going to be using anything." She walked up to the guard. "Are you the captain of the Monsean guard or the leader of a street gang?" she scolded.

"Forgive me, Lady Queen, but they appeared in your palace in a foreign and threatening object," the guard defended himself.

"That doesn't mean the people inside are threatening, and you completely abandoned any sense of diplomacy. We will continue this discussion later." The woman turned to face the Rampion's inhabitants. "I am Queen Bitterblue of Monsea. What brings you to my courtyard?"

"Um, we're not sure, exactly," Cinder replied. "Our spaceship-"

" _My_ spaceship," Thorne corrected.

"The ship kind of got teleported here, wherever we are," Cinder continued. "I'm sorry if we created a disturbance. We'll be gone as soon as we figure out how."

The queen considered them for a moment. Then she shrugged. "Fine. You're welcome in my castle until you find a way to leave."

"Thank you," Cinder said politely.

"Hey Kai," Thorne stage-whispered. "I smell future empress material."

Cinder coughed. Kai turned roughly the color of Scarlet's hair. Scarlet gave an unladylike snort.

Bitterblue raised an eyebrow but didn't comment on it. "Do you need rooms or will you be staying in your..." She gestured to the Rampion. "...thing?"

"We're fine in our ship, but thank you again."

"Very well. We have a library, if you need it. Don't ask pointless questions and the librarian should like you well enough." With those words and a dramatic sweep of her skirt, Queen Bitterblue left the courtyard. The guards followed behind her.

"If everyone here dresses like that, I will be very happy here," Iko chirped.

* * *

When Bitterblue opened the door to her sitting room, she nearly had a heart-attack.

Po was lying on her couch, examining a grape from the bowl of fruit that sat on her table.

"Great skies, Po. If you continue to be so troublesome, you'll end up getting thrown into the river," Bitterblue remarked.

"That's it? No, 'Hello, Cousin?' No, 'I have missed you ever so much over the past few months?'" Po said, popping the grape into his mouth.

Bitterblue ran over and wrapped him into the kind of hug that leaves one feeling like he has been stepped on by an elephant. "When did you get here?" she asked the front of his shirt.

"Ages ago. I ate half the fruit in your bowl. What took you so long?"

Bitterblue pulled away. "There was a disturbance in the courtyard."

Po sat up and set his feet on the floor. "I know. What happened?"

"Some people showed up in a strange sort of ship. They appeared out of nowhere. And they dressed strangely and talked strangely."

"I haven't been here for two hours and already something absurd has happened. How typical."

"And the guards didn't like that they couldn't explain it so they were being difficult."

"I'm fairly certain they were being difficult because they thought it was a threat to their queen."

Bitterblue huffed at the second interruption. "So you can read thoughts about me now too?"

Po laughed. "My apologies. Continue with your account on the courtyard disturbance."

"Well, the strange people said they came on accident and that they would leave when they found out how. So I let them stay in the courtyard until then. That's the end of it." Bitterblue took a grape for herself and found that it made one look quite nonchalant. She made a note of that for later.

Po stared at her. "You gave complete strangers the use of your courtyard? Have you not considered the safety risks?"

Bitterblue frowned. "They will be guarded. I will be guarded. Nothing will happen."

"The spring ball is held in the courtyard. What if they stay until then?"

"Then we'll move the ball to the ballroom. It's there for a reason."

"The ballroom is for the winter ball."

She waved a hand. "The lords and ladies don't come for the room. They come so they can brag to their friends who are less rich and popular. Honestly, it's as if you want me to regret my decision."

Po sighed. "For your sake, I truly hope you don't."

They sat in silence for a moment.

"I really am glad you came," Bitterblue said. Then she perked up. "Is Katsa here?"

"Did you honestly just ask that question?" Po commented dryly.

"I want to see her."

He smiled. "Alright, then. Let's go see her."

 **A/N: Woah. This turned out much longer than I anticipated. In fact, this was supposed to be a one-shot but I might turn this into a multi-chapter fic. Tell me what you think in that little white box in the bottom right corner of the screen.**


	2. Letters, Libraries, and Lovejoy

**A/N: THE FEELS. THE FEELS ARE REAL. AND WOLF IS REALLY HARD FOR ME TO WRITE IDK WHY PLEASE HELP.**

 **Side Note: I made Fire 18 again to suit my own purposes. Would that make this an AU? I have no idea.**

 **Disclaimer: If I owned the Lunar Chronicles or the Seven Kingdoms trilogy, Peony would not have died, Cress and Thorne would be a couple by now, and Saf would not have gone to the freaking Dells.**

Thorne was incredibly confused. After the blackness and screaming in the Rampion, he had blacked out and woken up to more blackness and discussion about guards and courtyards that he couldn't see.

He really, _really_ hated being blind.

"Cress, can you look up our location?" Cinder requested.

"The netscreens aren't working," Cress replied. "But I think the woman said we were in...Monsea?"

"Monsea doesn't exist," Kai informed them. "At least, not on Earth. A place called Monsea has never been recorded."

"It must exist if we're here now," Wolf pointed out.

"Why don't we visit the library?" Scarlet suggested. "It's basically like the old-school version of the Internet."

Iko wrinkled her nose. "We have to read books?"

"I agree with Scarlet. The library is our best chance at getting answers," Kai said.

"Nerd," Thorne muttered under his breath. Kai rolled his eyes at him.

"Fine," Iko sighed. "The library better have some fantastic interior decorating."

* * *

The sound of the door opening echoed, which led Thorne to believe that the library was quite large.

Cress confirmed it with a soft whisper. "It's huge. And there are so many books."

Thorne smirked. "Really? There's books in a library?"

"Sorry. There's a man sitting at a desk. I think he's the librarian.

The scratch of pen on paper indicated that he was scribbling furiously.

 _Please don't let the librarian be half-raving mad_ , Thorne prayed silently.

"Um, excuse me?" Cinder called out.

"Yes, hello, what do you want?" the librarian asked tiredly.. He sounded old and bored.

"We need information," Cinder explained.

"Ah. The queen warned me you might come. Information of what sort? I'm working on a rather descriptive account on the mating habits of-"

"We need to know more about where we are and how to get back to our...home," Cinder interrupted.

"And where is your home?"

"Um...Earth?"

"I see. Give me a moment." The writing continued.

Thorne felt something brush against his leg. It meowed.

"Is that a cat?" Thorne asked.

"Yes. Her name is Lovejoy."

"That's a strange name for a cat," Scarlet commented.

"It's an adorable name for a cat," Thorne said. He bent down and stroked Lovejoy's furry head, eliciting a soft purr.

Thorne could practically hear Cinder's smirk. "I didn't know you were such a cat person."

"Everyone likes cats," Thorne replied, scooping up Lovejoy. "Cress likes cats."

They were interrupted when the librarian set down his pen. "As I was saying, _The History of the Seven Kingdoms_ should tell you about where you are. _Mysterium Lunae_ should tell you everything else."

"Where are these books?" Cinder asked.

" _The History of the Seven Kingdoms_ is on that shelf." Thorne guessed the librarian was pointing somewhere. " _Mysterium_ hasn't been copied yet _._ "

"Oh. Well, can you tell us what's in it, then?"

"Absolutely not!" the librarian exclaimed in apalled tones. "I never reveal the details of a book before I finish copying it down."

"This is really important," Cinder pleaded.

"No exceptions. According to my schedules, _Mysterium Lunae_ will be finished in a week. Come back then." The scribbling picked up again.

Cinder sighed and stomped off, probably in the direction the librarian had been pointing in earlier. The rest of the crew followed her. Thorne still held the cat.

"A week isn't that long," Kai pointed out.

"It is when you have a revolution to get back to," Cinder said impatiently.

"Think of it like a vacation," Iko suggested.

Cinder gave a small laugh. "Only you would say that. Now, where is _The History of the Seven Kingdoms_?"

"Found it," Scarlet announced. She pulled it off the shelf.

"Great. Let's go. I think I'm gathering dust in here," Iko complained. "We have everything we need."

"Not everything," Wolf reminded her. "There's that other book."

In the silence that followed, Thorne could only assume Cinder was glaring daggers at him.

"Too soon," Thorne quipped.

* * *

Bitterblue slid the stack of papers across her desk. "I've had enough. If I have to read one more charter, I'll go mad."

"Perhaps you would rather read this, Lady Queen." Rood placed a letter on her desk. Bitterblue immediately noticed that the flowery script was written in the language of the Dells. Translated, it bore the words:

 _For Queen Bitterblue of Monsea._

Curious, she broke the seal and read the letter.

 _My dear Lady Queen, I am pleased to say that I will be coming to Monsea in the very near future. In fact, my visit will coincide with the spring ball in three weeks time. Unfortunately, Prince Garan expects me to discuss an awful lot of technical matters. But there is always time for festivities.  
_

 _Until then,  
~Lady Fire of the Dells_

 _Lady Fire sends a letter ahead like ordinary people_ , Bitterblue thought to Po in case he was within range.

"Lady Fire will be attending the spring ball," she informed her advisor.

"Really? It's a difficult trip," he said.

"It's not that difficult." Bitterblue didn't know why she felt the need to defend the roads. Perhaps it was because she wanted to assure herself that Fire would be able to make it. Perhaps all that paperwork had put her in a foul mood and she simply wanted to disagree with her advisor. Perhaps the roads just needed a little more defending.

Or perhaps the charters had driven her mad already.

She stood abruptly. "I'm going to take a walk around the palace."

Rood began to protest. "But the paperwork-"

"-can be finished later," Bitterblue finished. "I won't be able to sign charters if I drown in them."

She tried to think of a clever way to close the statement and make a dramatic exit, but nothing came to her, so she simply left.

* * *

After walking aimlessly for several minutes, Bitterblue ended up in the library.

Death was copying down another book, so she decided not to disturb him. Instead she wandered through the shelves, looking for a book that she hadn't read yet and didn't look dreadfully boring.

She didn't find one, but she did catch the strangers that had appeared in her courtyard as they were leaving.

The short, fair-haired girl was the first to notice her. She quickly dropped into a curtsy. "Hello, Your Majesty."

Bitterblue raised an eyebrow. She was usually addressed as 'Lady Queen.' Their customs must be different. "Hello. Did Death give you much trouble? He has a meager amount of patience."

The brown-haired man snorted. "His name is _Death_?"

"Yes. It's spelled like "death," and I sometimes I like to pronounce it wrong by accident." She glanced at each of them. "I don't believe I caught your names."

The girl with the curious metal hand spoke up. "I'm Cinder, and that's Thorne, Cress, Kai, Scarlet, Wolf, and Iko."

Bitterblue nodded. "And I'm guessing Thorne is blind?"

"Yeah, how did you know?" Thorne said.

 _Because only blind people like Lovejoy._

"You're looking above me, although I'm flattered that you think I'm taller than I really am."

All seven of them looked a little surprised. She considered listing all the other observations that she had made, the way Katsa had taught her. She was almost certain Cinder and Kai were romantically involved, Scarlet had at least one concealed weapon, and Cress had most likely never been in a library before.

But Po was always telling her she had a flippant tongue, so she stayed quiet.

Just then, Teddy came bounding up to her. "Sparks! Guess who sent you a letter."

Bitterblue frowned. "Death will ban you from the library if you keep running about and shouting in here."

"Wrong. Guess again."

She sighed. "I don't know. Who?"

Teddy grinned. "Our dear Saf, of course."

Bitterblue suddenly forgot that she had an audience, or that the library was supposed to remain a quiet place. "What? Give it to me!"

"Before I do, Saf said in his letter to me that he changed the key for the cipher, because I knew the old one and he didn't want me to read your letter. He said only you would know it."

"Well, now I've been informed. Give me the letter."

Teddy held out a folded piece of paper. Bitterblue snatched it out of his hand.

She turned to Thorne and said, "You must know by now that Cress fancies you," before running off to her room.

Bitterblue threw open the door to her sitting room. Katsa and Po were sitting on the couch and looked up at the sudden noise. The bowl of fruit was empty.

"What's gotten you all worked up?" Katsa asked.

"A letter." Bitterblue sat down at her desk and unfolded the letter. She felt a slight disappointment at seeing how short it was. Then again, it never took Saf long to get to the point.

What would Saf have used for the key that Teddy wouldn't know? She tried "gargoyles," but that didn't work. She tried "heights" and "stories" and "lies" and "truths" and even "pirates." None of them worked.

"Katsa, give me a word," Bitterblue said.

"Why?"

Bitterblue considered it. "No, I don't think he would use that as the key."

Katsa sighed. "Bitterblue, what are you going on about?"

"This _letter._ It's been encrypted and I'm afraid I'm not as sharp as Saf had anticipated." She tried "balls" out of frustration.

To her surprise and slight irritation, it worked.

"Clever little weasel," she murmured to herself as she read the childish, hastily-scrawled handwriting.

 _i never know what to say to you, sparks, so i'll just say two things. one, it's dreadfully hot in the dells, and two, look for me when the lady fire comes._

 _~saf_

 **A/N: That's right, I put Thorne with a cat :) I do have a plot for this, but it's very flexible, so if there's anything you want to see, tell me!**


	3. Spying on Giddon

**A/N: I just want to read Winter already. Is that too much to ask?**

 **Disclaimer: I own TLC and the Seven Kingdoms trilogy. PSYCH.**

The Rampion crew had been in Monsea for five days. On the second day, Katsa paid them a visit and had acted generally terrifying. Later that same day, Po came and explained that this was normal behavior for her and she wasn't so bad once she didn't think you were going to murder someone close to her.

The words turned out to be true, and soon Katsa was only half as terrifying.

Bitterblue was a frequent visitor. After a few days, she told them that they could address her as Bitterblue when they were in private. And the more they got to know her, the more questions she asked. She asked about the ship and Cinder's hand and Iko's hair and where they had come from and whether they had ever seen a watermelon patch before. Iko was more than happy to answer.

That day had been particularly uneventful. They had gotten all the information they needed from _The History of the Seven Kingdoms_ , so Cinder sent Iko to bring it back to the library. Although she wasn't particularly fond of the dusty, silent atmosphere of the library, she agreed.

Besides, going up stairs was much more enjoyable with legs.

On her way to the library, Iko came across Bitterblue pacing in the hallway. The queen looked up. "Oh, hello, Iko."

"Hi," Iko said with a wave. After a pause, she added, "I'm not exactly an expert on human emotions, but is there something wrong?"

Bitterblue regarded her silently. Then she sighed. "A...friend of mine is coming in two weeks and three days."

Iko tilted her head. "Why is that a bad thing?"

"Because two weeks and three days is a dreadfully long time. And I haven't seen him in over a year. What will I even say to him?"

Iko raised her synthetic eyebrows suggestively. "Sounds like you have a lot of... _catching up_ to do."

Bitterblue gave her a look. "It's not like that. At least, I don't think it is. Oh, I don't know. Why must men be so complicated?"

Iko rolled her eyes. "Tell me about it."

"This conversation never happened," Bitterblue said sternly.

Iko smiled innocently. "What conversation?"

Needless to say, everyone in the Rampion knew within the hour.

* * *

Katsa scowled and kicked the wall.

"You're in your mood, aren't you," Po said, taking a bite from an apple.

Katsa scowled. "I do not have a mood."

"Yes, you do, and you're in it right now. Would this have anything to do with Giddon coming for the Council meeting?"

"Maybe."

"You're still mad at him? I'm fairly certain he's no longer in love with you."

"He punched you in the face," Katsa reminded him.

"We settled that matter a long time ago. Besides, he had good reason to."

"As have I, many times, and your face is still intact," she pointed out.

"And I'm grateful. But you need to stop harboring this childi- ah, highly unprofessional grudge."

"I am not being childish," she insisted indignantly.

Po shrugged. "You reacted in much the same manner as Giddon when you learned the truth about my Grace."

Katsa gave him the kind of glare that burns holes in metal and can bring a grown man to tears. Then she stormed out of the room wordlessly.

"This is your room," Po called after her. She didn't reply.

* * *

At the sound of her office door opening, Bitterblue looked up. "Po, will it do you any harm to knock once in a while?"

"Probably not. I suppose I'll never know," Po replied cheekily.

Bitterblue rolled her eyes. "I'm assuming you didn't come just to bask in my presence."

"I was kicked out of my room," he explained.

She raised an eyebrow. "Katsa?"

"Naturally."

"What have you done this time?"

"I didn't do anything! Why must women be so complicated?"

Bitterblue gave a rather unladylike snort.

"What? What's so funny?"

She stifled her smirk. "Nothing."

Po continued. "We were simply discussing the matter of Giddon's arrival."

"Well, no wonder she—wait, 'Giddon's arrival?'"

"You didn't know?" Po asked.

"Obviously not."

"Giddon is attending the Council meeting. He just arrived."

Bitterblue hopped out of her seat and ran off.

Po turned to Rood, who had been watching the exchange silently. "Does she do this often?"

Rood nodded tiredly.

* * *

Bitterblue found Giddon in the stables. He hadn't noticed her come in.

She frowned. "Giddon, you insult me."

He turned around and saw her. "I beg your pardon, Lady Queen?"

"I learned of your arrival from my _cousin_. It seems that no one writes letters nowadays. Tell me, did you learn of a paper shortage during your travels?"

Giddon smiled. "I did, in fact. And no one could write to inform you because there was no paper."

"Well then, I suppose you are excused _this time_ ," Bitterblue said with feigned irritation. "How long ago did you arrive?"

"Just now, actually."

"Well then, I suppose you must get back to...tending your horse and such. I will see you at the Council meeting."

Bitterblue exited the stables, and Giddon was left utterly confused. The queen's conversations tended to have that effect.

* * *

"The target is in sight. Stars, he is _cute_."

"Let me see."

"Don't you have a boyfriend, Scarlet?"

"I'm not trying to check him out, I'm trying to observe the situation!"

Iko, Scarlet, Thorne and Kai were stationed in front of one of the library's large windows. A bored Iko had suggested they spy on the castle's inhabitants, so naturally Scarlet and Thorne tagged along. Scarlet had uncovered a pair of binoculars from one of the plastic crates.

Kai had no idea why he was there. The three of them had somehow roped him into this mess. Thorne had handed him a port screen and told him to record their findings.

The window had a clear view of the stables. They currently had their sights on some poor unsuspecting traveler that had just arrived.

Iko handed Scarlet the binoculars.

Scarlet watched as another person came in. "I think Bitterblue just entered the scene."

The two of them had a brief conversation. She couldn't read lips, so instead she read their expressions. "Oh no."

"What?" Iko and Thorne demanded in unison.

"He totally likes her. And seeing as this isn't Bitterblue's sort-of-friend, I'm guessing it's one-sided."

"Kai, are you getting this?" Thorne prompted.

"Yeah. You guys have a really odd view of entertainment."

"I'll say," interrupted a voice from behind them.

Scarlet lowered the binoculars and turned to see Cinder standing behind them with her hands on her hips. "Um. Hi."

"It was Kai's idea," Thorne blurted.

"It was not. You dragged me into this."

Cinder frowned at them. "I can't believe the four of you would do something like this."

"Uh..."

" _Without me_. Scoot over."

Scarlet grinned and gave her the binoculars.

"Bitterblue just left," Cinder reported. "The man is staring after her in confusion."

"Oh, honey, that's not confusion. That's _desire,_ " Scarlet said.

Cinder smirked. "Oh, you're right, his expression closely resembles the one Thorne has when he's around Cress."

Thorne cleared his throat pointedly. "I'm right here, you know."

"That's why I said it."

Iko sighed. "Figures. All the attractive men are taken."

"Maybe not. Bitterblue totally friend-zoned him," Cinder reported.

"This friend of hers better be plenty hot," Iko concluded.

"Not necessarily," Thorne said. "After all, there's no way he could be hotter than I am, and Bitterblue is clearly not hitting on me."

"No wonder we landed in another world. One wasn't enough to contain your ego," Cinder commented.

"Ooh, do you need some Neosporin for that burn?" Scarlet quipped.

"Look!" Iko chirped. "Someone else is coming."

Cinder turned her attention back to the window. "It's Katsa. She's in that mood."

"Poor guy," Iko said.

"Seriously, that woman could make an onion cry," Thorne added.

Kai shook his head exasperatedly. "You guys are crazy."

 **A/N: Hehe. Onions. I have a lot of... _romantic tension_ planned. Mwahahaha :) But don't worry, Safblue will live on.**


	4. Shady Business

**A/N: I'm surprised this is actually getting views. But good surprised. Like, party surprised. But not the kind of party where the guests are ex-convicts who have a vendetta against me. Hehe. Psych references. Psych is a really weird word. If you stare at it for long enough it doesn't even look like a word. Same with the word donkey. And below.**

 ***rambles on for half an hour about weird words***

 **Disclaimer: I cannot tell a lie. I do not own the Lunar Chronicles or the Seven Kingdoms trilogy. Also, I was the one who ate your goldfish.**

Wolf tapped a finger against his leg impatiently. Cinder had been sent to look for Scarlet, Thorne, Kai, and Iko almost an hour ago. She hadn't returned yet.

"Do you think we should see what's taking her so long?" Cress suggested.

"We probably should." Wolf got to his feet and exited the Rampion. Cress scurried after him, struggling to keep up.

The two of them made their way through the halls and decided to check the library first. They entered through the loft on the second floor overlooking the rest of the library.

Cinder was there with the rest of the crew. They were crouching by the half-wall, peering over the top at something on the first floor.

"What are you-" Wolf started to ask.

" _Shhhh!_ " Scarlet cut him off and and pulled the two of them to the floor beside her.

Before Wolf or Cress could ask what was going on, the main library door cracked open.

* * *

Cress ended up wedged between Scarlet and Thorne. She peeked over the ledge as Bitterblue, Katsa, and Po entered the library with three other people.

"...because unlike some people, I know how to take a rejection like a _civilized person_ ," Katsa was saying icily.

"And when someone makes a move on you, you kill them," a man that Cress didn't recognize pointed out.

"That was an accident, Giddon!" Katsa protested.

Wait, what?

"Besides, he was a-"

"That's enough," Bitterblue interrupted. "We have more important things to discuss than something that happened yeas ago."

The man named Giddon fell silent. Katsa narrowed her eyes at him. They all sat down at one of the tables.

"Have you overthrown any kings lately?" asked an old woman as she knitted something that was as of yet shapeless.

Po shook his head. "The kings have been moderately well-behaved lately. King Murgon is slightly desperate to marry off his daughter before she gets too old and no one wants her anymore."

"At least he's not selecting random men and making them compete for her hand," Katsa said.

One of them—a blonde man—tilted his head. "I'm interested to see how that would play out, actually."

"Raffin, this is politics, not a science experiment."

Cinder shifted and whispered, " _Thorne! You're stepping on my hand!_ "

" _Well, I'm sorry if I can't-_ "

" _Get off!_ "

Thorne moved to the right. Cress was pressed up against his side. Not that she particularly minded...

Po had an amused expression on his face.

Katsa shot him a look. "What are you smirking about?"

"Nothing. You were saying something about Raffin's brain?"

"His brain was too big for his head so the rest of it went to his ears."

"Someone's in a prickly mood," Raffin commented cheerily.

"No more than usual," Giddon muttered.

Katsa scowled and was about to make a cutting remark when the old woman cut her off. "Raffin, how are things in the Middluns?"

"Everything is as it usually is. Ban tested some medicines that didn't work and, as a result, couldn't make the trip," Raffin reported.

"Is he alright?" Bitterblue asked.

"None of it is an unusual occurrence. He'll be bored, but that's about it," Raffin replied.

Cress felt the brush of fur against her leg. She turned to discover that Lovejoy had wedged her way into their little huddle and was sitting with her tail wrapped around her paws. She mewed softly.

"Lovejoy! This is not a good time," Thorne whispered to the cat.

Lovejoy meowed again, this time louder and more persistent.

"Thorne! Tell the stupid cat to go away," Cinder hissed.

"Lovejoy is not stupid!"

Katsa looked around. "Did you hear that?"

The Rampion crew ran for the figurative hills.

* * *

Bitterblue sighed in frustration. "If you were at the market the whole day, then how do you know your neighbor stole your horse?"

"I found Nelly down by the lake," said the farmer standing n the middle of the courtroom. "An' Barry goes down to the lake fer fetching water an' such."

Bitterblue frowned. "So you have no proof whatsoever? No witnesses?"

"I don't need no proof, Lady Queen. I know them shady types." He tapped his temple.

"Can you even prove that your horse was stolen at all?" she continued. "How do you know Nelly didn't just wander off?"

The farmer fell silent.

Bitterblue stood and was about to declare this case a waste of time when Rood gave her a warning look. She sat back down. "Until you provide us with solid evidence, I declare this case invalid."

The farmer and his neighbor were led out by the guards. Bitterblue turned to Judge Quall. "Who approved this case?"

"You did, Lady Queen."

She paused, having no memory of reading about a stolen horse without proof. She did, however, remember pretending to read over a crime report while fiddling with the feathered end of her quill. She had decided it was better to approve a ridiculous case than dismiss an important one. "Oh. Very well. Are there any more cases for the day?"

Judge Quall hesitated uncertainly. "Well, there is one more. But it's rather...strange."

"I'm sure I've seen stranger," Bitterblue said dismissively. "Tell me about the case."

"Someone was murdered five days ago in the east part of the city. All the witnesses were slightly disoriented and couldn't give any details. The person responsible admits to the crime but claims to have been controlled somehow."

Bitterblue felt a shiver run down her spine. She thought of a mismatched pair of eyes: one gray, the other blood-red. She thought of a voice that made her remember things that never happened and forget things that did.

"Bring him in," she commanded.

The prisoner that the guards dragged in, wrists shackled, was not a _him_ at all. She was a young woman around eighteen years old.

"What's your name?" Bitterblue asked the girl.

She almost didn't catch the girl's soft whisper. "Leira."

"Leira. As you know, you are on trial for murder." Bitterblue leaned forward. "Did you do it?"

"The man was killed by my hand, yes. But I was not responsible, Lady Queen." Leira answered politely.

Bitterblue arched an eyebrow. She had expected a similar response. "And why is that?"

"Five days ago, I went to sell a necklace that I'd gotten in Nander a few years ago. I needed the money, and a friend told me about a man who collected all sorts of odd things. He payed a high price for things that came from other places. He had a shop in the east part of Bitterblue City. But when I got there, a woman was in the shop. She had dark, witchy hair and the highest cheekbones I've ever seen. She gave me a cold look and said that someone had been looking into entirely the wrong sorts of things. And I found myself agreeing with her. I didn't even know what he had been looking into! And then I thought that...that he needed to die. Because it would help the woman." Leira grimaced.

"And then you killed him," Bitterblue finished.

Leira nodded.

"Was the woman Graced?" the queen asked.

The girl shook her head.

This came as a surprise to Bitterblue. _If she wasn't Graced, then how..._

 _Maybe this girl is just lying,_ she thought pessimistically. Or perhaps hopefully.

"Is that all?"

Leira nodded.

A few witnesses spoke, telling them nothing of much use, although one of them mentioned a woman saying to forget something. It must have worked, because he couldn't remember what he was supposed to forget.

Judge Quall wanted to simply declare her guilty. "She confessed, after all."

"But what if she was telling the truth?" Bitterblue insisted.

They couldn't execute her if she was innocent, but they couldn't let her go if she wasn't. In the end, they decided to imprison her until things were sorted out.

The court trial consumed Bitterblue's thoughts for the rest of the day. She needed answers. She needed to know what had really happened. She needed to make sure it wouldn't happen again.

That night, Bitterblue did something she hadn't done in a long time.

* * *

After weeks of sleepless nights that the whole Levana situation had caused him, sleep completely eluded Kai. After lying awake in bed for an hour, he gave up and decided to take a walk.

After wandering around in a desultory manner, he found himself in what must have been the palace gardens. The cool night air carried the scent of flowers.

And the sound of a twig snapping.

Kai turned around. A hooded figure moved around a topiary bush and froze when she saw Kai standing there. "Balls. No one was supposed to be out this late."

Kai raised his eyebrows in recognition. "Bitterblue?"

"What are you doing out here, Kai?" Bitterblue demanded in hushed tones.

"I couldn't sleep. What are _you_ doing?" he countered.

"Sneaking out. What does it look like I'm doing?" Bitterblue replied casually. "Come on. We should get going."

"We?" Kai prodded.

"Well, obviously you have nothing better to do. And I might need assistance." Bitterblue started walking again. Kai sighed deeply and followed her. "How do I get myself into these situations?" he muttered to himself.

Once they were off the palace grounds, Bitterblue led him through the winding streets. She wove through the city without hesitation, as if she'd been there many times before.

"I assume you know where we're going?"

"Five days ago, the same day you came, a man was killed," Bitterblue said instead of answering. "The murderer says that she wasn't in control of her actions and someone else was involved. I need to find out if she was telling the truth."

Something about that felt off to Kai, but he shrugged it off. "So you're checking out the crime scene?"

Bitterblue gave him a confused look.

"Um, going to the location of the murder and looking for clues," he explained.

"Oh. Yes, that." She rounded a corner and froze.

They were on a dim street lined with run-down buildings packed close together. The meager lighting came from a flickering lamp post on the edge of the gravel road, next to what looked like a printing shop. Kai saw the disappearing end of a tail as a cat slunk into the shadows.

"Is this it?" he asked.

Bitterblue was silent for a moment. Then she shook her head. "No. It was...I don't know why I'm here."

"Well, that makes two of us," someone said behind them.

Kai spun around. Cinder was standing behind them, giving them a disapproving look. "You two are terrible at sneaking out."

Kai furrowed his eyebrows. "Cinder?"

She rolled her eyes. "No. I'm the ghost of your great-great-grandmother."

"When did you get here?"

"I was following you this whole time. I heard everything. It sounds like your little murder case is a matter of bioelectrical manipulation."

Kai mentally facepalmed. How had he not made the connection?

"What's that?" Bitterblue prodded.

"This," Cinder replied simply. Kai smacked himself in the face.

"Ow! What was that for?" he demanded.

" _That_ was for running off in the middle of the night to investigate shady business."

Bitterblue fingered the edge of her sleeve. "So it's mind control."

Cinder nodded, all sugar and spice again. "Pretty much. It's dangerous stuff."

"Dangerous is an understatement," Bitterblue sighed. "Believe me, I know."

Kai started to ask what she meant by that. Cinder cut him off with a look.

"We should get going," he said instead.

The three of them started traversing the city again. Apparently Cinder had seen a map of the city and downloaded it in her brain, so Kai was the only one who had no idea where they were going.

Eventually they reached a part of the city that wasn't as crowded with buildings. Not anymore, at least. There were squares of dirt and dust and fragments of bricks where a shop or someone's house used to be. Some of the vacant lots even had charred remnants of walls or unfinished building frames. The half-moon shone brighter here, with less light and less structures blocking the sky.

"This is it," Bitterblue announced. She walked right up to the door of an abandoned shop and unlocked it with a silver key.

"How did you get that?" Cinder questioned.

Bitterblue snorted. "I'm the queen. Do you really think I would have trouble getting a key?" She swung the door open and stepped inside before Kai or Cinder could tell her to be careful.

Cinder flicked on her built-in flashlight and followed her into the small room. Kai went in after her.

The shop was cluttered with old books, small metal contraptions, exotic jewelry, and various other items. Bitterblue sneezed.

"I don't see anything that would provoke someone to murder," Cinder announced after a few minutes.

In the corner of his vision, Kai saw the faint moonlight from the tiny smudged window glinting off of something. "Cinder, shine the light over here."

He went over to the small table where the object peeked out from underneath a scattered stack of papers. Bitterblue and Cinder peeked over his shoulder.

It was a fractured square of reflective glass with an ornate frame of shiny black metal. He pulled it out from underneath the papers and held it up.

"A mirror?" Bitterblue guessed.

Cinder shook her head. "No. Not a mirror." She reached out and pressed a button on the side. It flickered and lit up. Although cracks spiderwebbed across the surface, it still worked enough for Kai to tell what it was.

A portscreen.

 **A/N: DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN! I think my love for Psych showed in this chapter. But anyways, leave a review if you liked this chapter! Or if you hated it. You can say that too. Construction paper *cough* I mean criticism is always appreciated.**


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